The Worst Soccer Team Ever (1989) By William Taylor

Never was there a more unlikely band than the Greenhill Intermediate School 'C' team. What a bunch of sporting also-rans! They were all shapes and sizes, from the captain, 'Tom-tit' Colman, to 'Griller' Spinks, goal keeper simply because he filled the goal so completely. Then there were the girls of the team: Lavender Gibson (Lav for short, because she wanted to be a radical feminist plumber when she grew up), and the pink and delicate Maggie Smith – she even dressed in pink on the field. As for Ms Hennessy . . . Cinderella's pumpkin would have made a better coach. She even called practice 'rehearsal'! The Worst Soccer Team Ever is an hilarious tale. Our humble narrator, Tom Colman, has total recall – which means he's remembered word-for-word everything everyone said. Except for the bits he has had to make up. You've heard of poetic licence? Well, this is poetic lying.